I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
