Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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