STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
