dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
