last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
