If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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