I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
