I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
