i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
