I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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