oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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