the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Randomize
