3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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