if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
