I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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