He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
