I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
