My first STD was from a foam party
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
