drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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