God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
