grandma shit on top of the toilet
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
