Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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