I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
