I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
