That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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