your parents love me but you hate me
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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