I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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