She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Randomize
