Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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