haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
