is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
