She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
