I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
