So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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