I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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