i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
