I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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