I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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