last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
