hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
