Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
