Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
we're so committed to being not committed
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
