He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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