bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm just crazy horny about you
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
