it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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