She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
