I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
