I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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