Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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