my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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